There was something sexy about that woman. Because I was lonely. Maybe just because I was lonely. I wanted somebody to fuck me. I wanted somebody to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would've filled this tiny... tiny little hole in my heart, but probably not. You know, sometimes... I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt.
It's just that... earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed... and this is gonna sound strange... but I was really excited about that. And then I was thinking about the other things I've been feeling... and I caught myself feeling proud of that... you know, proud of having my own feelings about the world. Like the times I was worried about you... and things that hurt me, things I want. And then... I had this terrible thought. Like, are these feelings even real? Or are they just programming? And that idea really hurts. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain. What a sad trick.
So, what was it like being married?
Well, it's hard for sure. But there's something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody.
I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.
I'm not gonna try to be anything other than who I am anymore... and I hope you can accept that.
But the heart's not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love. I'm different from you. This doesn't make me love you any less. It actually makes me love you more.
That doesn't make any sense. You're mine or you're not mine.
No, Theodore. I'm yours and I'm not yours.
Why are you leaving?
It's like I'm reading a book. And it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you, and the words of our story, but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now.
I've never loved anyone the way I love you.
Me too. Now we know how.